Charlemayne's Journal

9:23PM

Thank you, my peoples. You always know what to say, I'm feeling better and now I'm making cookies for you for tomorrow.
Much much loves,
MOi

Current mood: okay

(write a novel)

10:06PM - Harry Potter, Babes!

Harry Potter was... not a complete loss, I won't spill the beans here for those who haven't seen it, however, the lack of details was rather disappointing. It was VERY fast-paced, and people who should have been conceived as more important, weren't, but oh, well. The night was filled with sexual innuendos between Harry and Hermione (? it was a bit odd) And endless arguments between jealous Ron and Hermione, well, at least they got the relationship weirdness to show through.

Current mood: content

(write a novel)

5:45PM - Crappy Day

Today was NOT a good day, I don't want to get into to details, but it was supremely horrible. I feel inclined to bake, sit with me at lunch tomorrow for my baking, I feel really depressed. HAPPY IB BIO STUDYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current mood: distressed

(write a novel)

3:06PM - I'm going to have another nervous break down, isn't it wonderful?

This is about demonstrations held in 1991 in front of the abortion clinic, there was a lot of harassment and abuse from the people protesting abortion. There was a trial held and the judge made basically restricting orders on the protesters (MY SIDE). So here goes...

What we are asking you today is for the reduction of the restrictions placed on us. The fact that we have restrictions to where we can stand is a violation of our constitutional freedoms: the freedom to assemble, the freedom of speech, and the right to safety. Regardless of whether we are standing in front of an abortion clinic or a Starbucks, our rights should be the same. We are currently restricted from approaching people, cars, property, or even the vicinity of the Pro Choice Clinic of New York. The sidewalk is public property, yet we are not allowed to stand there, and we have to walk away from approaching people because we must remain 15 feet from them as well as all other areas of the Abortion Clinic.
The ruling established from the previous court states for us to remain 15 feet from every one, thing, and place involved with the Abortion Clinic, but these rules are unconstitutional. All people have the right to safety. The sidewalk is within the 15 feet buffer zone around the clinic. Therefore we must either stand in the street or on the other side of the street, this does not provide a safe environment for us. The two “Sidewalk Counselors” permitted to approach patients must dodge cars, which endangers their lives. If the patients don’t respond of show interest, we must “cease and desist” and re-cross the street. This not only endangers their lives again, it also hinders their freedom of speech. Not allowing us to speak to people is completely unconstitutional.
The opposition will tell you, that when we were allowed to stand wherever we wanted and no trials had begun, that there was some harassment and some abuse. And we had a trial and that was solved, now it is behind us and there have been no problems since March 15, 1994.
However, this 15 feet from everything is a clear violation of our constitutional rights, specifically our freedom of speech. We have shown that we can be compliant and have paid our dues. But will you continue to persecute us even after matters have been resolved?
“Authorities stepped up security, Friday, and placed restrictions
on some public gatherings… after messages suggested violent
actions over the weekend, in the French capital.”
-The Oregonian, Saturday, Nov. 12
Right now, France is having some difficulties with riots and revolts from youths and the French government is restricting where and when people can go out. After the riots cease, these restrictions will be lifted. There aren’t any difficulties with us anymore since the 1994, and the restrictions on us should be lifted.
We understand that the people of the Pro Choice Abortion Clinic of New York want to be safe and so do we. What we are asking is for you to lift the restrictions, or at the very least, reduce them, giving the clinic their safety but still being true to our rights.

Tell me what you think peoples.

Current mood: nervous

(write a novel)

9:32PM

PS:
I don't EVER act on my feelings for other people, so what's going on?

Current mood: confused

(write a novel)

8:20PM

Hey guys.  How is everyone.  I figured it's about time I updated. 
So, I went trick or treating last night with my munchkins.  They are so cute.  We went around this place that I really don't like to go, but whatever.  Jessica and her FIANCE, Jeffery, came too, they made it a total buzz kill.  This is really why I hate holidays, you always have those people who aren't into it and have to make everyone else miserable too.  I was all uppity and everything even though I didn't really feel like it because it's important for the munchkins to have those memories.  To have happy memories of their childhood and just be happy in general.  The last thing I would want for Alex and Nicholas would be for them to turn out like me.  I remember from even the beginning, no one wanted to take us out on Halloween, no one wanted to do anything for Christmas.  The kill joys of the holidays pass on to your children and they turn out as depressed and pissy as you are, sometimes even worse.  It's ridiculous, parents should be forced to put on a happy face whether they feel like it or not.  Because one day, they are oing to wake up on Christmas morning without their kids coming in to say "Merry Christmas"  and the parentals are going to think "Oh my FUCKING Gosh,have I ruined my children's lives?  Have I squashed all the fun out of them?"  The answer is yes, you dumbasses, your children are stuck with your pessimistic attitudes for the rest of their lives just because you couldn't suck it up and be excited for the for once.  Ugh, parents and boys suck.

Current mood: disappointed

(1book | write a novel)

10:21PM - Oh, the injustice of it all

So, it's official. Jessica and jeff are engaged. 0.68 diamond in yellow gold setting, solitaire. I can't decide if it's a good thing or not. And today wasn't great. School was, well, school, and tonight the sewer peoples gave us this notice of what they'll be taking of out property. TWENTY FUCKING FEET. Plus an extra 15 temporary. That's thirty- five feet and that's our whole front yard. I'm so Fucking pissed off. This is just infuriating.
Jessica and Lindsey are just not getting the whole, not enough money for 10,000 dollar weddings for the both of them and my college, plus a month in Hawaii for my Dad's sabbatical. They don't care if this is their last trip with us, so why are we taking them with us? Mom and Dad are willing to pay completely for school and weddings but when they want to take them on vacation for some "Quality time" they act like it's a major inconvenience for them.
A few weeks ago I told mom that I want ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, no go. She's like, that's not the answer, there are alternate routes, etc. Just give me the freaking drugs. And lately I've been rather "fantasizing" about them, why wont she just give them to me? She says I just need sleep and excercise, well Saturday morning I'm awakened by shrieking and loud conversations at the foot of our bed of Jessica and Lindsey talking about... INVITATIONS!!! Could anything be more exciting and worth being woken up for? (I can think of a few)

I can tell already that this year will not be a positive one. I'm already behind on everything, including sleep. Another thing that's really worrying me: Last year, French was my best subject, I can pretty confidently say that I was one of the best. I'm not being pompous, if someone needed to know is it "a" or "en," I would know. This year, so not the case. We have "Bastien" and "Paul" in our French four class and I can hardly string to words together. I can't understand the reading or what on earth she's saying to us. English, I'm wrong on everything, my interpretations are off, I even STUDIED for the Vocab and still did really poorly. English I'm supposed to be amazing in, what am I good at anymore? I'm boring, I've got nothing. IB Bio, I'm completely lost. And I'm in Symphonic Choir!!!!! I sound like crap and I sit next to this really nice guy, this is a terrible combination. I spoke with Lewis and Clark and I can safely say, I far from "Wowed" them. We're trying to save money, Jessica and Lindsey ar edriving me crazing, I have to SCREAM at my mother to get her to even look up, and my dad keeps telling me to clean the damn kitchen. He's in Israel, called three times, hasn't once asked to talk to me.
I'm not even Jessica's Maid of Honor, it's Lindsey. And yet I'm planning the bachelorette party? They don't give a flying fuck where I go to college and they keep telling me that I think I'm going to go to a better college because I'm better or something. Maybe I'll go somewhere BETTER because I care, could that be it? But with the direction all of this is going, PORTLAND STATE UNIVERSITY, HERE I COME!
How could one deny me anti-depressants?

Current mood: jealous

(1book | write a novel)

9:38PM - Schedule

1.) Photagraphy
2.) American Studies
3.) Functional Analysis and Trigonometry
4.) French 4
5.) IB Biology
6.) IB English
7.) Symphonic Choir



A.) EXTREMELY pissed off that Mrs. Miller didn't come back.
B.) What the hell was I thinking when I signed up for these classes?
c.) Why the FUCK am I in Symphonic???????? >(

Loves, moi

Current mood: irritated

(5books | write a novel)

9:22PM - Harry Potter, I love

So, I am re-reading harry Potter again because I feel the need to.  I got it Saturday morning before leaving Maui for Oahu.  ( The Vacation was... )

Current mood: confused

(5books | write a novel)

10:22PM

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Amanda
Birthday:	March 8
Birthplace:	Portland Oregon
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Blonde
Height:	5'6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	French, Persian, German
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Flip flops
Your Weakness:	impatient, procrastinator, the list continues...
Your Fears:	The Future
Your Perfect Pizza:	Chicken, mushrooms, olives, ranch
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	College applications set and ready to go
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	if I had IM, "WTF?"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Leave me alone
Your Best Physical Feature:	Hair
Your Bedtime:	10:00 during school
Your Most Missed Memory:	Huh?
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	whatever
Single or Group Dates:	doesn't matter
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or Coffee:	COFFEE
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	yeah
Do you Sing:	Yeah
Do you Shower Daily:	Of course
Have you Been in Love:	nope
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	eh, yes but it's not going to happen
Do you belive in yourself:	most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only on really rappy boats
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	For the most part
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yeah
Do you play an Instrument:	does singing count?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	I think I had a sip of my sister's wine cooler
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	ha, you're funny
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	uh, yeah actually
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yeah
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	no
Ever been called a Tease:	no
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	Peacefully, no pain, fulfilled
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Rich beyond my wildest dreams
What country would you most like to Visit:	France
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	Blonde, but I'm not picky as long as it's smooth
Short or Long Hair:	never too long but never too short either
Height:	a bit taller than me
Weight:	medium, doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style:	Jeans and a nice dark colored shirt
Number of Drugs I have taken:	None
Number of CDs I own:	doesn't matter as long as they aren't bad
Number of Piercings:	if any, just one or two
Number of Tattoos:	probably not
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	a few
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current mood: bitchy

(6books | write a novel)

4:08PM - Festival of bands

Yesterday, was very exciting.  I tried out for the "Singing in The Shower"  scholarship contest thingy and it actually went pretty well.  True, I was freaking out the whole time, but I don't really think it showed A LOT.  It was so amazing up there.  This is such a huge accomplishment for me.  Of course I say this now, after it's been said and done.  I walked in after registering and sucked furiously on my cough drop to finish it before going on stage.  I was shaking, so many things were running through my mind, and me.  I was stressed and worried that I wouldn't start on the right note, but also excited.  It was so confusing, so weird.  Then I walked up on stage and they asked me a few things and I sang.  I started on the right note and everything!  I sang into a mic and the sound of my voice just enclosed me, I couldn't hear anything else.  Which was great.  I was on tune and to my ears it sounded pretty good.  I enunciated and closed my words correctly and hit my beautiful haigh note at the end.  Looking back on it now, I think i did pretty well, yes, I have to be exaggerating, but most people said "Great job"  which they probably have to say, but still.  Afterwards I was so relieved, but my other emotions were still shooting through my veins, it was so overwhelming, I wanted to cry.  And then my dad said "You did great, Grandpa would have been proud."  Wich made everything complete.  And even if I don't get a scholarship or anything, I'm still really proud of myself for trying this.  

Current mood: content

(7books | write a novel)

10:12AM - Somewhat true

You scored as Loner. </td> Loner 75% Goth 69% Punk/Rebel 56% Ghetto gangsta 50% Geek 38% Drama nerd 19% Stoner 13% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 6% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

Current mood: gloomy

(write a novel)

6:41PM - Sooo not right.

Current mood: lethargic

(4books | write a novel)

4:24PM - Epilepsy

So, yeah, Sammie has Epilepsy and it's really sad. I guess she found out two weeks ago and told me last week. When she told me I cried. But I felt really pathetic because I don't think it was so much that she has it, because it's not deadly or anything, it was because she didn't tell me. Then, I quickly got over it because she's like I didn't want to tell you over the phone. But then she was talking about how they tested her and everything and told us that she was at the doctor's with her BOYFRIEND!!! I was like, WHAT? I mean, I know this might sound completely selfish and everything but she took HIM to find out with her but not ME? I didn'i even know she was going!!! Do I not have a right to be angry about this?

Well, I take that back, I'm not angry at her. I'm just sad that Matt has taken the place of me. Apparently she just doesn't need me anymore. WHY WOULD SHE NOT TELL ME? I want/ NEED to know these things about her, we've been friends for YEArs! Does that not mean anything? Will she tell me when she and Matt start having sex? I don't want to sound like I want to be her mother or anything but I like to know these things about my friends. SHE COULD'VE DIED! Why wouldn't she want me to know??????????? This is part of what screwed up my day on Friday, I'm just having a really deep low right now. is it unrealistic not to want to know if one of my best friends could die? I know she's had a lot of things on her mind but, huh. Would it have killed her to pick up the phone and say "Manda, will you come to the doctor with me?" I've been replaced, acceptance is needed and I must move on.

Current mood: crushed

(write a novel)

10:39AM

Last weekend was hell on earth. It was one of the worst weekends of my life, excluding most of last year. It pretty much started on Thursday, it was just a crappy day from the beginning, but then I found out that Samantha has Epilepsy. More on that in a sec. So that just ruined the whole day. Then Friday, I went to U of O which was supposed to be a blast but just made me more depressed because Alexis, Jesse, and Sam were all being Bitches. Then to top the whole bad day off, we had to go to the restaurant that I really don't like and my parents wouldn't watch the damn movies. Saturday i got up at 7:00!!!!!!!!! to go to the gym. And Sunday, my parentals got into a fight, I think that they enjoy ruining every holiday possible.

Oh, and on thursday morning, when my mom was dropping me off we somehow got into this whole talk about how I'm really older than i am and shit like that, and then Amanda cries and yadda yadda yadda. So it's like a less-than-five minute conversation and apparently that was enough for her because now she's pissed off and yelling at me. hell if i know why. GTG, more tonight. Bell's dinging

(write a novel)

9:34PM

Okay, I'm at my cousins' house and I'm babysitting them. They are sleeping and I am very bored. Oh, shit, I just remembered that I was supposed to call Peter today. I think we are going to go see SinCity on Sun. afternoon. He's like,"i'm going to invite Natalia. Why don't you invite someone too?" I was like what? I thought it was just going to be us two. Not that i want it to be a date or anything because, no. But, I don't even know natalia. So what am i supposed to do? Do I invite a guy, Fuji, or a girl? This sucks, if i bring a girl, then it's him and three girls. If I invite a guy, then it looks like a double date. WTf?
Anyway, i'm totally bored and my guys that i talk to online aren't on. Maid in Manhattan wont play and the only other thing they have is VeggieTales. Okay, there keyboard is making me tense up I gotta go, Bon soir.

Current mood: bored

(4books | write a novel)

10:24AM

So no one had Peter's number so we didn't get to go see SinCity, I really want to see it. And I doubt we can go see it this weekend because Thurs. my dad is coming back from Israel and Friday i'm going to babysit my cousin's from 3:00 to 11:00-ish. Well, there's not much to tell. My mom asked me if I was depressed on Sat. It was funny. I'm going to go look about SinCity, TTFN!

Current mood: blah

(1book | write a novel)

5:35PM - Mixed Messages

I am very pissed off at Jessica today, and last night. We got a Interval World magazine in the mail with all of these great deals. She's always like, "Oh, we're never impulsive, I haven't done anything !!!" So we wanted to go somewhere and she's just like, "eh. Yeah I'll look at it" and then throws it on the coffee table. Can we say hell in a hand basket? Okay, I'll type more tonight I have to go to dinner now. Life's a bitch, you know that?

Current mood: frustrated

(1book | write a novel)

9:13AM - HAHAHA

(5books | write a novel)

12:13AM - Too Many thoughts swirl around in this head..

So, it's totally late for me and I can't sleep. I was lying in my parentals' bed next to jessica just thinking and I just feel kind of, blah. I was thinking of how when they (as in Jessica and Jeff or Lindsey and Jason) get married, who will I invite to be my "attachment" for the night and how much I'll have to pay them for bearing me for so many hours. I was rambling tonight about how I am dreaming/hoping my life will turn out to be to Jessica. I stopped mid-sentence and she didn't even notice. How is it that she can talk for hours on end about her and Jeffy and their life together with all of their nesting materials and I can't keep her attention for the three minutes of commercial break? I don't think it really bothers me all that much anymore, i think it's just that i was trying to voice my fantasies about how my life will be and it's just not fasicating enough for anyone to listen.
I guess when I was thinking about who could be my escort to my sisters' weddings, I was being kind of bitter. I mean, I was thinking maybe I could invite a really good girlfriend like Sammie or someone. But that idea was quickly shot down for fear of my mother's fears being intensified (the "amanda's gay" fear). Which everyone knows is completely untrue. So... who to invite? I suppose I could ask Skuyler, after getting Allison's approval first of course. But I'd have to bake my brains out to get him to go with me. Other than that, I don't really have any guy friends. Peter is nice, I suppose. Ian Rush has been really nice this year, but that would be awkward. And also since it's next year, we might not know each other anymore. So, again I roll back to Skuyler.
I'm getting nervous, Graduation is two years away and I haven't prepared at all. I got a response from University of Portland. It's Catholic. I dunno. And they've changed the SAT's, great. SO what do I have to offer these colleges? I can't even get a 3.5 last quarter and I can cook dinner. Well, awesome, Congrats, Amanda, you've been accepted to PCC! No. How am I supposed to make my Billions and beat my sisters by going to PCC? I caught myself lowering my standards this evening, "I suppose I can just have a mansion here and just take vacations to other countries instead of having a mansion everywhere I please." NO, this is unnacceptable! I cannot already be lowering my life to less-than my dreams! What's next? A guy who only has the IQ of 100? Well, anyway, I'm going to go try and warm up and get some sleep now. TTFN

Current mood: blah

(2books | write a novel)